It is believed that an estimated 43.5 million adults in the United States have provided unpaid care to either an adult or child. Caregiving can be rewarding, but it can also create a lot of family issues, especially if the family is already facing controversy, or if the family is dysfunctional to begin with. As with many families, the drama factor can be high. This could be even more of an issue if the family member being cared for has some money. In many cases we are seeing a family member step in to care for a mother and/or father and in the beginning it appears to be a really good arrangement. Unfortunately, over the course of time, problems begin to erupt. The caregiver begins to alienate all of the other family members from the parent, the caregiver makes it difficult for other family members to visit with the parent, the caregiver is unwilling to allow other family members to get involved in any of the decisions and/or to inquire as to any financial matters. In many situations, the caregiver becomes very secretive and won’t share any of the plans or current arrangements with the family. The problem is that even though the parent may be competent and should speak up, in many cases the parent that is being cared for has become so dependent on the caregiver that they are afraid to create any waves for fear that the caregiver may leave them. Although many family members are not in a position to bring in home care or place the parent in a care giving facility, is important that when a family member begins caring for an aging parent the family discuss some of the following items:
- The financial situation should be reviewed in its entirety. Disclosure of all bank statements, investment statements and/or debts should be discussed.
- The fee to the caregiver should be discussed, whether it is to be paid during the course of the care giving or if it will be paid from the estate at the time of the parents’ death.
- The family should discuss who will be making medical decisions and the disclosure of that information to the entire the family.
- There needs to be some sort of checks and balances, including a quarterly report or the ability of someone within the family to review account statements to ensure that the money is being handled prudently.
- An Agreement should be entered into addressing all of these issues with the caregiver to avoid any “he said.. she said” down the road.
Whenever family and money are involved, never rely on the verbal agreement. Make sure everything is in writing!